OK a little dramatic on the title but I just have some things going on with me. It is hard for me to even notice when I am dealing with issues. It just eats away at me for a period of time till I step back, think things over and change what is bothering me. This is going to be a very long post and more about me then you probably want to even know. If you want to skip it, no offense taken. Caution there will be profanity and more grammatical errors then ever since it took me a bottle of wine to sit down and think what's got me in a funk.
Eating
I have gained a whopping 10lbs over the month of July and yep check your calenders the damn month is not even over. I am coming to terms with it and adjusting the pounds dropped widget in the left margin. I worked so hard to lose those 10 pounds all the month of June, even hitting my lowest weight in 6 years. It started with the Florida trip over indulging in everything. When I am I going to learn that I can't do that to myself. How many fucking times in my life do I have to go all the way up and down the scales to learn? I came home on the 13th to continue in this downward eating spiral. I am talking dessert after every glutton fat filled dinner that kind of shit which is just not necessary for anyone. That is just excessive and I am obviously trying to fill some void I am feeling in my life at this time.
Family
Is great! Shane is home every night in contrast a year ago when he would spend 6 weeks in Africa and 2 weeks home for the first 5 years of our marriage. Who knows how the hell I even got pregnant. Lil Buster could not be happier having his Dada home. I, after 5 months adjusting to having him come home every night, actually having to tell someone what I'm doing, where I'm going, leaving Lil Buster with Grandma and having too many G.N.O.'s. I am now not just living my life as I pleased but as a partnership. I have found a very happy place in my marriage and family life. I feel as we are all one happy unit. I still have a life don't think I'm one of these Suzie Homemaker's whose hobbies are that of whatever my family wants them to be (barf). I just try to make time for it all, Lil Buster's football practice, date night with Shane, girls night out martini's. In turn they understand me working on a Wed evening, Sunday & Monday mornings while they have breakfast, track on Tuesday, bike ride on Thursday and Saturday, my runs, and swims. We just make it work happily most of the time. We are at a wonderful juncture in our marriage and family life.
Friends
My friendships have suffered a little bit. I used to be right on, knowing every thing going on with my friends. Making sure I checked on them on a regular basis even if just sending some text love. I have just become busier but my close friends are very supportive and totally understanding of these changes in my life. Some people I used to consider friends have faded from my life. Maybe they don't understand the changes I have made in my life. How I find choosing a nice scenic long run over pizza and a reality show. I still love me 2 or 3 shows which I DVR and watch when life allows. Maybe it is that our common love and comfort we found in food no longer takes priority in my life. Except in times like these. There is also the friends in your life who come and go based on their needs of you. That is also starting to become unacceptable in my life. Then there is the new acquaintances I have met through the new things in my life such as, running, blogging, triathlons, and Weight Watchers. The majority have been a great source of support from advice, to laughing, to training partners or just acquaintances blossoming into friends. There has also been some people who are just competitive assholes. You tell them your excited cause your breaking through on your running and they say, oh yea I keep getting faster; or you are bummed cause your swimming sucks and they say, I just swam a mile today no problem. Everything you tell them turns into they have done it and do it better. Just super assholish. Shit, if I open up to you don't turn the fucking thing about how damn awesome you are. If I had an acquaintance who suffers with something I tell them let's work on it together if I can help. If not I support you as best I can and we accomplish our weaknesses together. When one of my buds is breaking through with their running and I am virtually seeing them go from 12 min miles to 10 min miles. I am thinking, come here ya let me give you a hug and buy you a beer biatch! I figure we're all in this together for the most part. I'm not trying to beat your ass to get a purse. Let's face it I'm just a squirrel trying to get a nut out on the race course.
Training
I feel I have been failing myself on the training from this past month. I don't know if at all stems from the food and it just become a vicious cycle. I am training with a great group of people on a training team. Most if not every single one of them is way more advanced than I am. Sometimes, I feel it gives me something to strive for work harder to eventually be like this person. Then there is the tough ass in me who says, Viv work harder to beat yourself you know better. It is not about working hard to be like Buffy And Jodie but to be the best fucking Viv you can be. It will not happen for me if I set myself up for failure by just slacking on important workouts. I missed 10 days of training while in Florida that included several break through sessions that impact my performance. I can't get those back, yet I continue to dwell on all the missed training. Those races I set out to do are very important to me. It is about me setting out goals and working extremely hard to achieve them. To better myself every single time. I really didn't do that well at Jeff & Brede's triathlon on July 13. Yea, my swimming and cycling were better then they have been, but my running was back to basics. I averaged in the mid 12's when I know I can do better. Yea my legs were tight, I had just gotten off a plane the night before, and probably pushing so hard is what got me this injury I am dealing with now. Excuses to me have no room in my life. They truly are like assholes we all have one and you know what they all stink. That is the irony in my blogs title. Excuse #1 I'm not Fit To Run....It is me making a mockery of every person that has an excuse for not doing something their heart desires. I have a big (pun intended) excuse. I am built like an 18 wheeler not a compact Smart car, but I keep pushing every run yearning to be the runner I always dreamt I could be. Now, I have to turn that focus into all 3 disciplines. If I want to be a better swimmer, than SWIM and focus on swimming correctly. If I want to be a faster cyclist, then CYCLE. Learn it, read it, study it, find out what can make me a more efficient cyclist. Running, I am happy where I am at right now, well pre injury. I have started running with purpose. I have different workouts that Coach puts together to mold me in to a better runner. I used to just run all out every run. A while back it worked I was just learning to run, now I need direction to improve. I have a sprint triathlon on Aug 31 right over 6 weeks, which is how long I will be off from actual land running. I am determined to make it a strong comeback and keep up with my training to get me to my first Olympic Tri in September.
Goals
Starting tomorrow, stay in my daily caloric requirement. No weekend passes nothing. I need to regroup and focus to get me to my goal weight.
Stop the vicious cycle. Eat to live not live to eat. Eating better will make me feel better, in turn making me want to train better in conclusion helping my overall state of being.
Kick people that bring me down out of my life. I do not need the drama, I am not on The fucking Hills.
Train Train Train....deep water running on running days. No skimping on the swims. Hit all scheduled rides and stop being such a pussy with the hills(after injury recovery). Put the bike on the trainer do some of the optional trainer workouts in. Start becoming the triathlete I need to be to get me to my goal dream IM70.3 race hopefully in New Orleans.