I Need A Fast Car To Get Back On The Wagon I Jumped Off Of!

When I saw this cover at the grocery store it bit me in the ass! No, not the Elizabeth Edwards, my cheating husband drama? If it was that you would be seeing my crazy ass on that cuckoo bird, Nancy Grace's show for having Shane's balls dipped in fur and using them as rear view mirror decor. LOL! It was the Kirstie Alley article (if you can call things in People articles). There she was stating how she had fallen off the wagon(I refer to the wagon as a healthy way of living & eating). There are a few things I don't agree with Alley states in the article. For one she is planning this whole new "plan" that is top secret to help people lose weight. Listen hun, pretty much there is no secret fabu fountain of weight loss that you have tapped in to. Secondly she says, " If I spent as much time working out as I do worrying about being fat, I would be fabulously built." Umm, hello I can't give her that either. I was spending countless hours, miles, gallons o' sweat working out but the weight on the scale kept mounting. For me, this is FOR ME it equates to about 85% what I eat and about 15% exercise. Not that I condone exercise, the complete opposite. Just for me there is more to my weight loss equation then working out.

I too like Kirstie had fallen off the wagon big time! Really I have been jumping on and off the wagon pretty much since August 2008. Wow! That really just got me typing it. I can not believe I have allowed myself to be on and off the wagon for 9 months! UGH! It really disgusts me and I am so ashamed of it. Obviously by the gain it has been mostly off the wagon the last 9 months! I am in the fitness industry to top it off. It bothers me walking in to a class and possibly being the biggest in the class. I was doing so well on Weight Watchers. I followed it hardcore. Sure, I still allowed myself small splurges as more weight came off and as long as it kept within my points system. One of the down turns, I started developing the mentality of I work out this much I should be able to eat this much! Well, that theory does not work for me!

I was born a fat girl, really. LOL! It runs in my family too. Seriously, I have seen my parents up and down the scale my whole life.

exhibit 1 fat

exhibit 2 thin
by the way they are looking hella a good at the present time

I am also guilty of being up and down the scale in large numbers. When you reach the down side of the scale there is always this promise of, "I will never be that fucking fat again!" Unfortunately for a lot of people that struggle with weight it becomes a promise we soon forget....

down
by the way did I think there was going to be a scrunchie shortage??

up

down

up

down

up

I can also tell you the countless methods I used to get "down". There was the smoking,starving, drinking straight Bacardi limon on ice diet. The exercise of course came from dancing in da' club. The Quick Weight Loss Center diet, where pretty much everything was off limits. My meals then consisted of 4-6 cups of lettuce with a 6oz chicken no dressing and of course no salt. During that diet, I felt weak and did not have motivation to exercise. The LA Weight Loss diet, which was a looser version of QWLC diet. Then of course the countless times I would "try" unsuccessfully on my own. I would be all gung ho, going to the gym eating right then have a slip up and crucify myself, which would lead to a bigger downward spiral. Then my most drastic and biggest mistake, vertical banded gastroplasty. Yep, what people call stomach stapling. To all these methods I am not saying they are wrong and do not work for anyone. For some people they find long lasting success with no complications. For me these methods did not work. Each time I had a few set backs the weight would come back and would always settle to 10lbs above of where I started.

Here I am now having a set back while on Weight Watchers. OK a big set back I have managed to put back on 51lbs since August 2008. At one point that side bar read 91lbs dropped! Whoa, that really sucks the big one! I was 30lbs to goal,UGH! Can you believe I never stopped paying for the online Weight Watchers service?? I guess to cancel the service would be a bold face way of me stating I was done with it. The good news I am not all the way back to where I started. The better news is that I am willing to dust myself off and get back up, well down. hehehe! Time to change the side bar pounds dropped and work my way back down from there.

May 2008 38lbs from goal and in matchy matchy running shorts that do not fit this summer

The plan:
I have been back on Weight Watchers hardcore since Friday, May 8. I had a friend willing to go to meetings with me. Not that I expected the meetings to be a sort of "come to Jesus" meeting. I just know that I lacked some of the will power I had when I started doing the program on my own online back in June 2007. I needed that accountability the meetings provide. Sometimes you also need somewhere you can speak out loud of what you are going through with out driving people in your life insane. The more you surround yourself with what you are trying to achieve the more you can competently conquer it.

I am no expert on nutrition, exercise, diet, surgeries but have had my own struggles. If you ever have a questions and think my experience can help or you just want someone to talk about it with e-mail me. I don't bite unless you catch me between 7P-9P, during those hours I would bite and chew almost anything :-)

I have been told I am an inspiration by some, but to me I am just a real person that deals with their own battles. My battle is my weight and this is part of my life. I have no shame in putting it out there. There will be ups and downs, no doubt. It is about staying on the journey which is constantly seeking my well being, physically and mentally.